please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
