Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize