just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
