Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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