I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
