4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
