Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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