ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize