we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
