you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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