You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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