Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
