we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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