clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
