So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
