It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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