im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
