i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
