Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
