Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
