At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
