Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
