erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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