Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
