before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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