Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
