he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sacagawea was the original milf.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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