I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
