I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
