I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
