I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
