after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
