I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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