this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize