Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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