I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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