the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
