You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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