he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
