You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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