my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
