as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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