She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
