I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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