I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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