apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
