I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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