he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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