On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize