well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
only you would photoshop your dick
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
