Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
