Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
