he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
