Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
