Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
