Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
