gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
