Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
