Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Randomize
