i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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