Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
