Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
