the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
