Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
