fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
