Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
