Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
