Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
