my mouth tastes like poor choices
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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