i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
