I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
