I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
