it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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