But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
