wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
