Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dicks are not precious.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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