For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
