Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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