lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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