worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
