you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
