I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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