Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
