That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
