You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize