Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
