um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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