this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
