I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
