I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
