My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
