dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
