he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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