I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
