Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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