Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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