Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
