You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
