Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
