im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize