Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
