Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
