I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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