Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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