I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
