i would one night stand the shit outta him
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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