i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
