I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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