i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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