Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
