6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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