so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
