separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
