I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
