a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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