at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
