i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize