My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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