She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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