What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize