There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
