So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize