he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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