You're completely useless in the revolution.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
