Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
