Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
